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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist aka GwennielOfNargothrond (on - formerly LadyOfNargothrondFemale/Finland Group :iconnoldorinfamilystore: NoldorinFamilyStore
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Gwenniel's Profile Picture
aka GwennielOfNargothrond (on - formerly LadyOfNargothrond
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
Well met! I am Gwenniel, and I am pleased that you happen to read this.

About me:

If I've get free-time I usually spend it drawing, surfing on the net, playing cello, or writing. I've got a account where I've got some Silmarillion centric fics. There's the url in my Devious info.

If I'm lazy at giving comments, I'm even more lazy to favourite: so take that as a HUGE compliment if I happened to click that icon with the star and the plus. ;)

I'm active on some other communities too.
-I'm the Gwenniel of CouncilOfElrond...
- If you see a Gwenniel on Silmarillion Writer's Guild... yeah, that's me
-...and I'm also the GwennielOfNargothrond on (check the link below in Devious Info)



Other stuff I want to tell:

Spread the love! :icongwenniel:
If you wonder where I got my adorable avatar from, it is a part of the Noldorin icon family created by my Noldorin cousin kittykatkanie. :heart: Go here for more:… :meow:

And since these plz's are so convenient...
:iconrequestsopen: :iconcollabsfriendsonly: :icontradesopen:


She wasn't brought up in a religious environment, mainly because her parents used to scoff at things they saw useless for mankind. "God is dead," her mother said, "and we need not mourn him." It was the same with her father, who had published a handful of articles on rationality even if that had meant the end of good terms between him and his more religious relatives. Said relatives had done all for his daughter to see religiousity in a better light.

Religion entered her life later in life, when she was around 12. She had been browsing through her father's latest article, being now old enough to find interest in books that weren't pre-teen fiction. However, the article didn't make any sense to her. She hadn't read the books that were referenced to, had no knowledge of the historical events mentioned, and did not understand the concept of "problem of evil" that was mentioned so many times. She wasn't even very used to debating spirituality and the sort. Looking at the lengthy bibliography section, she found one book she knew was in her parents' extensive library and decided she should read it herself.

It took her three weeks to finish it, but when she had finished it, she needed more. She started sneaking away books from her father's shelves (not wanting to face any questions). Soon she started getting her reading from the public library. She read books on theology, on theism, on secularity, on atheism. She read the Torah, the Book of Shadows, the Bible, the Quran, the Edda, some of the Vedas, inter alia. She did not subscribe to any religion, at least not yet, not openly, not consciously, but she found that her thirst for knowledge was yet to be unquenched. So many questions rose after every text she read, so much she didn't understand, so much she thought she would find the answers for if only she read enough.

Fast forwards a few years and she headed for college with theology as her major and philosophy as her minor. It felt only natural after everything she had experienced mentally, even though it somewhat estranged her from her parents, who felt that she should have settled with atheism by now. After all, how can one read so much, and not realize that all claims of the existences of deities of any kind are nonsensical and invalidate each other?

Fast forward even more, and she was a post-doctoral researcher whose extensive knowledge on her subject was recognized internationally. She gave lectures at her home university, went to conferences and held plenaries and presentations, and continued on working on her ambition. No matter how many papers she had written on the concept of GOD, she did not know the truth. If her parents had taught her one thing (and they had taught her many things), it was that in matters of existance and cause and result, there always had to be a TRUTH. So far she had not found it. Her partner suggested she should simply conclude that truths of things like god or gods could never be uncovered, and that she should just stop her obsession. But what was a scholar to do? As long as facts that did not fit in existed, she felt it was her duty to make sense of it. What good would it do to put her effort to waste by giving up now?

And then, one evening when everybody else in the university had gone home and she had just emptied her fifth cup of cappucino of the day, she was struck by an idea. Literally, because when she realized it, she jumped in her seat, stared at the wall in front of her desk for a few seconds, then rushed over to her pile of annotated sciptures and studynotes. Feverously she looked for something, found a yellowing note, and got back into her seat. She read the note, once, twice, before a smile spread on her lips. "I get it," she whispered. "I finally get it."

But the moment she had said those words a thunderous lightning flashed before her right in her office. Startled, she flew back in her chair. Before her was a fiery figure, human-like but bigger and more dangerous looking, looming light and darkness at the same time. She wasn't sure of its gender, nor of its age, and when it spoke, the room rumbled.

"Come with us," it said.

"Where? Why?" She was terrified, amazed that she dared to reply anything at all.

"To see with your own eyes the thing you have devoted your life to," came the reply. "You will become one of us, one of the wise and the chosen." The being watched her unblinkingly. "Do you know who I am?"

"Ahh..." she fumbled with her syllables. "A seraphim?"

"Close," the being said, sounding amused. "I used to be like you once, too wise for my own good. Hundreds of years ago I uncovered the truth behind gods, solved the problem of evil, the mysteries of the meaning of life. Simply by scholastic reading and overthinking I found out where this world has come from, where people have come from, why they are mortal, and what happens after they die. But that same day I also found out that these are things humans are not allowed to know. That is why I had to cease to be a human. I knew too much."

"Cease to be...?" said the woman, who had never before felt so at loss of words.

"You have uncovered the answer to the Divinity-problem, the Mystery of Mysteries, the Sacred Secret, call-it-what-you-will. You have come too close to the secrets of my Majesty and in doing so you have achieved apotheosis," the being said. "Now come with me."

Summoning her last bit of courage, the human woman gripped the back of her chair. "And what if I don't?"

"If you do not come, you will burn. You are burning already." A toothy smile oozing blackness. From the being's winglike extensions, fire had been spreading into the room. Books blackening, papers becoming piles of ashes, wood cracking. The human woman, falling onto her knees, fire sprouting from her back, from her spine, screams escaping her mouth. "I can't leave anything, or someone else might find it and read it," said the being in front of her.

Flames shrouded her, and for a moment she looked at her burning surroundings with unexpressable grief. Then she looked up, up at the sky. "I see," she said. "It was as I thought."

"Too big to be revealed to humans, don't you agree?" her comrade said.

From the floor where the woman had been, rose up a messenger of the Omnipotent and Omniscient, still flaming, but now grand and awesome. Closer to GODS than she had ever been before.
Sacred Secrets
"She knew too much so she had to die."

I tried to take care not to refer in the setting to any specific religious background, at least not directly (although being from a Christian society myself there might still be hints of that if you look too closely). The thing that appeared may not be (and probably isn't) an actual seraphim or other Abrahamic angel, mind you. More likely it is a being nobody has yet thought of and written about.

Point is, I hope nobody is terribly upset by me writing weird stuff about divine encounters.
The "God is dead" is by Nietzsche, of course, though the rest, "and we need not mourn him", is by my own brain.
The death of Curufinwe Feanaro by Gwenniel
The death of Curufinwe Feanaro
Then he died; but he had neither burial nor tomb, for so fiery was his spirit that as it sped his body fell to ash, and was borne away like smoke; and his likeness has never again appeared in Arda, neither has his spirit left the halls of Mandos. - The Return of the Noldor, The Silmarillion

I don't think I have seen too many depictions of this scene in fanart, even though it's a very powerful scene and very important in the history of Elves in the First Age. When actually reading the passage in the book, I also realized that while Fëanor's body turned into ash, it actually said nothing about fire -- only about a "fiery spirit", which can be interpreted as a metaphorical description. But the word "fiery" got so stuck into my mind that I decided to go with the literal version. Misinterpretation or not, flames of death have been my headcanon for this scene for a long time -- and they look kind of cool, don't they?

Acrylics. Fun times.
Dear Aredhel,

I have not written to you for a long time. I hope you are well. I am well and so are Curufin and Huan. As you probably know, I live on Himlad now. It is a nice land, not least for hunting, and I will invite you for a visit if you want me to. And yet I am not sure you do though, seeing as we parted a long time ago and haven't spoken since. I'm sorry for what I said then about your father and your brothers and the kingship issue. I don't know if you can understand me, but I do hope you understand that I never blamed you for it. You are your father's daughter, but I know better than to think you thirst for the crown of the High-King.

This is me being humble, Aredhel. I want us to rekindle our friendship. I will not bore you with a long letter, especially not before I know whether you hate me or not.

Eagerly waiting for a reply,


Dear Aredhel,

I have not written to you for a long time. To be fair, you haven't written anything to me either. I'm not mad at you anymore. Actually I am sorry. I'm sorry for what I said and I did not mean to insult you. I'm still not happy with the situation, as I'm sure you understand, seeing what has become of the House of Fëanor. But I have learnt to accept it. I know I can make up for everything and fix everything even without the crown. You're probably laughing at me, but please don't burn this letter before you truly consider this apology.

Waiting for your reply,


Dear Aredhel,

I have not written you a letter for a long time. Or rather, I have written, but I haven't sent them. They all seemed so trivial. I did not know what to say and I still don't, but this letter I will definitely send.

The point is, I am sorry and want to apologize. I said things I should not have said, things I should have put differently. I do not blame you for any of what has happened. I would explain, but you know I'm no good with writing eloquent letters. Can you forgive me? I now live on Himlad with Curufin. If you want to, you could come visit. We could still be friends, right? I have learnt so much about the world here in Beleriand, about animals and people, about how different everything is. To think that we were so "wise" in Valinor when we knew nothing about what was out here! And yet I find myself thinking back to our lives before.

I miss you, Aredhel, and I want to be your friend again. Do you remember when we used to be together in Valinor? There's so much I want to talk about with you again, and I swear this time I won't say anything stupid or insensitive about you or your father. I'm no longer clinging to silly ideas about getting back the kingship to my family: I know now that the only thing truly important is defeating Morgoth by whatever means and the protection of one's family. Even though you are only my half-cousin and we haven't met for ages, you are my family and one very dear to me. When I say I miss you, I mean it, and I hope you see it. Please write back, so I will know whether I should keep on missing or just erase you from my memories.

I really don't think I could erase you though.


Dear Aredhel,

I tried sending you a letter, but apparently you never got it, because I sent it to where I though you were, but you weren't there. I still don't know if this letter will reach you either, but I do hope so. I hope that says something about how much I want to reach you. I wanted to tell you what a fool I've been. I've been wanting to tell it to you for such a long time, but when I finally try to do it, you're not there. I wish you would have left an adress to your brother or something, but both you and Turgon seem to have disappeared long ago. You went with him, I guess, but I wish you would have at least told me. Even if it was in the form of "Celegorm, I'm going to Wherever-Place and I never want to see your face again". Or did you escape to avoid me? I hope not. I miss you and want us to be friends again.

I miss you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell it to you. If you don't want me to come visit you, just know that you will always be welcome to Himlad. We used to have a good time together before everything went wrong and we started misunderstanding each other and our families started fighting and I said all those stupid things.

Just so you know, if this letter doesn't reach you either, this will probably be the last time I write you. So please, write back! Suck up your pride for once like I did. Write me, just so I know you have actually read this. I am sick of not knowing. Or make somebody else write it -- hell if I care!


P.S. I am sorry I was blunt. But please, just write back so I'll know. Because I actually do miss you, Aredhel.

Dear Aredhel,

I already have a folder of letters I didn't end up sending to you, and this one is just going to go in that folder. I don't know why I write this, knowing that you'll never read this (unless you come back to Himlad and I can give them to you). It's so stupid. I always invited you to come to Himlad, but when you came I couldn't be there for you.

I've been looking for you since I heard you had been here. I miss you. I have missed you for so long that the missing is just a dull pain in the heart, an old warwound that I no longer mind but which never heals. I miss you, damn it. I miss you and I hate how I can't do anything about it or get you back, and I just keep worrying about you!

Come home!

I mean come to Himlad. I would let you stay forever, if you wanted that

Love always,


Dear Aredhel,

You know I would have kept you safer than anyone else.

Turgon, when you read this, have them lay white poppies for her and tell her they are from me.

Dear Aredhel
Epistolary fun with the Silmarillion characters I always turn to when trying to crush writer's block.
AA2014: The High King's study by Gwenniel
AA2014: The High King's study
Dear :iconvinyatar:,
In 2013 you were my Secret Santa/Annatar, and this year it is my pleasure to be yours. :heart:
You wanted to see what's up with Fingolfin. Although busy being locked up in his study, Fingolfin is fine and well. Hopefully he will have time to take a brak from his High-Kingly duties and get around to spend the holidays with his family.

(My drawing skills are rusty, but I quite enjoyed drawing the High King as well as them stained glass windows.)

Yesterday I got around to talk with a religious person, a Christian. When I told her I am an atheist, she luckily didn't ask any questions about evolution, abortion, or hell. Instead, she was curious to know what I put my Faith in, where I get my Hope from, and what I think of Judgement and Forgiving.


Faith, as in having faith that things will get better? Well, the only thing I can put my faith in are the things I believe to exist. No powerful deity, no mysterious fate... My answer was that I put my Faith in people, in the human race. My own life is determined by my own choices to some extent, by the people around me to a bigger extent, by society as a whole for the remaining part. Everything is ultimately determined by people: war and peace, equality and inequality, poverty and wealth... Sure, natural disasters and things like that exist, but the way technology constantly strives to tame nature itself, all diseases, aging, it's really up to humans. There is no god to cure diseases. The cure comes either from your own immune system or from drugs designed by humans. There is no god to stop wars. The stop has to come from people. So when I hope for wars to end, do I put my faith in the people? Yes, because I have no other choice. While humans will most likely never find peace, I do not believe in any other force that could possibly do it for us. It's sad, it may be pessimistic, but in my eyes it's realistic.


Where do I get my hope from? That ties in with the previous. The only hope for me, the only thing that makes it worthwhile, is that I put my faith in people because I have faith in people. I have faith in that each person has at least a fundamental kindness and sense of responsibility for whatever they themselves care of. I have faith in that no person is completely "evil". My hope is that some people can unite. There's only us in this universe to take care of ourselves, and look how far we've come. It's a road of trial and error, but sometimes it works out and truly wonderful things happen. Often it doesn't. I can't put my hopes up for anything big, because the more people it takes to achieve something, the less likely it is that it will be achieved. But small things, yeah, I take pride in achieving them myself, with my peers, not with the help of some god. Funny thing, and take no offence, but I dislike the idea of a god making me do the things I do while believing myself to be an autonomous being.


What about Judgement and Forgiveness means? That was the trickiest question, and I asked for what Judgement means. In this case, for the Christian, it meant the sense of knowing that people who do wrongly get punished, but also, and more importantly, that even a flawed person (and we are all flawed in some ways) can be forgiven, if not by others, then by God. A Christian, I was told, is a person who has had their sins forgiven by Jesus. I wondered who would give me justice when I begged for it, or exert justice on me when I did wrong. I wondered where I could get my forgiveness from. I thought in what ways it mattered whether I would be forgiven. The answer once again: people. That all-mighty race. I am bound by laws made up by mankind, and I am forgiven by human beings around me. Whether as a collective society or as individuals (parents, friends, colleagues, strangers), the only forgiveness I care about is that which I am given by other people in this life, here and now. I believe in no gods, no afterlife, no concept out of this world. Which on the other hand means that if I am not forgiven by my friends or given justice by the law, there is nothing I can do about it, except from cursing towards the sky, asking why there exists no god that can help me out here. Still, what would I do with the forgiveness of god, if my friend has not forgiven me?


Having said these things I had had in my mind for quite a long time, having put them into words for someone else to hear, I thought of how chaotic the world is, and here I am, trusting that everything is determined by humans. My new friend laughed and said that I must have a bigger faith than her to believe what I believe. I guess so. But even as I put my faith in people and in the co-existence of people, in people's determination to strive onwards, I know that usually it takes a very long time to achieve anything in a big scale. Haven't people had enough time to eradicate diseases and poverty, to provide fresh water and education? Yes. Well, why haven't they happened already? It may be they will. It may be they will, but that we are not just ready for it yet. Who knows. it's just up to humans that these things will be done.

Our discussion went on for a while longer. We talked about how some people at their darkest moments start wondering whether something like god(s) exists to hear their prayer; whether Jesus really can help them out; what will happen to them in the afterlife, just in case the afterlife they have always denied turns out to be true. I didn't say it, but I though of how sometimes, occasionally, indeed only in the darkest moments of grief, I have wondered whether a god would listen to me if a god existed, whether Jesus would actually care about me when all I have done is denying his identity as a son of a god, whether my grand-mother can go to heaven even though I don't believe in it. A good god should listen to me, if I truly needed it. Jesus should accept me, since I have not denied most of his teachings. A heaven should exist: not for my own sake, but for my grand-mother's, who believed in it. But mark the modality! All these thoughs come with the doubt of ifs, woulds, shoulds and maybes. I just like to imagine what it would be if the things religious people believe in actually were real.


And that's when I know. That's when I know why people are religious. It gives them great security and comfort, explanations and purposes. Bad things in a world where a higher power can determine the outcomes are like taxes: not always fair, but something you accept because that's how it is. And it's not like I don't need security or comfort or any of that. Not like I have become an übermensch, too cool to admit I don't get it. It's just that in my head the existence of a god or of many gods, benevolent or otherwise, doesn't add up, so I can't believe in them and I'm not going to try to. I'm just going to stick around in the flow of time for some 60 years more, doing whatever I do, being a part of the humanrace. A humanrace that has created their gods because they know they themselves can't possibly take up the role of being a god, can't possibly be the ones whom everybody puts their faith and hope in and who are supposed to both do justice and forgiveness. And I know they can't. It's just that there's no one else, who could even try.

"Man created god in his own image." -- Ludwig Feuerbach (1804-1872)


((These are just a section of my thoughts -- I do not speak on behalf of atheists as a whole -- I have yet to label this philosophy. Feel free to quote or discuss, but do not do so believing these ideas are part of something bigger. Unless, of course, you're a philosophy major who can immediately label what school of philosophy this represents or something... (if you can, do tell me. I'm curious)... ))

  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: La Folia - Arcangelo Corelli
  • Reading: An Utterly Impartial HIstory of Britain
  • Watching: Puella Magi Madoka Magica

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ninquetari Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015
Aaaand another year passed. I truly hope it's been a good one - and that the next will be even better.
Happy birthday! :heart:
Gwenniel Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. :hug: It has been a good year indeed.
Hope you are doing well too. :)
ninquetari Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015
I hope so too ;p
Beatles24 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm not Christian by the way. I'm a believer of God. I believe in one whole god. Everybody has their own god. One they can turn to. But all the gods are one. No one knows what god is or what god is like. All I can say is that people have different points of God. Buddhism, The Greek and Roman Gods, The Christianity God, The ancient Gods, yes they are all a God. WE have depended on them. I'm fine with Lennon not believing in Jesus. My mom believes in Buddhism and my dad is Catholic. I have been raised in both parts of religion. I know all the Roman and Greek gods and I have seen what haters of religion have done. In Lennon's song he never stated that he didn't believe in God itself. It's true. The world is a part of God. The universe will always be God itself. If we are a part of God then why do we turn away. How is your realism supposed to explain all that has happened to us. What about before the big bang. How was the universe created. I believe God is behind the ways. Even if it is a foolish religion it has it's purpose. It is a way that guides us. It tells us what to do and helps us through life. If we didn't have the guidelines then we'd be disorientated and help less. It is like America. The USA is free to do and say what he or she please, but they must follow some rules. it is the same thing about religion. If you don't believe what I've told you I'm sorry to say I can not help you anymore. Oh and yes I have done a full report on all of the Beatles lives and I tell you their were some things that embarrass me myself of knowing. But if we are part of the universe it self then we have our chance to make ourselves right again correct? I do not go to church everyday I don't read the bible everyday, but I pray. I sit in bed and I pray and ask god to help me. Has it helped me? Yes God has helped me. I'm alive, I have undergone surgery, I have survived many things. I'm here today. That's what matters to me. God has helped me. Now what I want you to explain to me is how the universe was created with your "realistic" ways. What happened to cause the universe if their was nothing before it? Or is the universe really all we know? I believe the universe is only a part of God and I have all the answers that satisfy me for now. Good day to you and the one and holy God bless you. And I do believe that while I may be arrogant he is a forgiving ... thing. No God is not a person or living soul. I wish their were a better way to describe this holy being, but that is the best I can say.

I am one of the few who believe this. I'm sorry to say that all my brothers and sisters have committed such awful sins. If you ever forgive you have acted a holy way. You see even though you think u are far away from God you are closer than ever.
Gwenniel Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think I can see where you are coming from. Many spiritual people may embrace God(s) yet dislike organized religion and religious institutions or simple feel that such institutions do not fully reflect their own beliefs. Religions are usually fundamentally the same -- similar teachings, similar reasons for why people have turned to religion -- so one can argue that all they are facets of reflection of one God. The fact that you (if I understood correctly) call God not a person but a more abstract concept -- fate? life? the universe itself? -- is also a point I can accept. (I'd rather not think there is a person or a people organizing our way of life.)
However, despite not being a scientist, I still believe in that our universe was created according to the Big Bang theory. What came before, I do not know, but then again there is a lot of things even within our current universe that have yet to be fully understood. Unless God as you describe it is truly such an abstract thing as to be a personification of the laws of Physics, I do not think God was behind Big Bang. In my eyes, saying that God did it and not providing any reasoning or theories of physics to support it, just isn't convincing, I'm afraid. Do animals other than humans think of God? Why does God work in such mysterious ways?
So, what I do believe is that the God-concept is a thing that is so abstract that it only exists within our heads. This is to say that God (as you characterise it, not a God of a specific religion) indeed is what guides our actions. God is the motivation, inspiration and guideline for so many people, that s/he cannot be dismissed just like that. That's why I think people need God and why religion has been created. But like I said, Id rather not think this God is in charge of our lives, not of yours, not of mine. It is the circumstances and our choices that determine them. In my humble opinion, God may guide our philosophies and such matters, but not the gender we are born, whether our crush likes us back or whether we stub our toe.
Which brings us to the point I made in my essay: IMHO there is so much in this world God plays no part in. Or if God does, I am just unable to comprehend/realize/believe it. Generally God is good for spiritual guidance and kindling hope, but personally my relationship with God is still tricky because of my lack of faith. Yet, I have come to realize this has not been a problem to me.
Maybe somehow deep down I still believe (without knowing) in the God you described, maybe not. But to each their own. I am glad you are comfortable with your spirituality. I respect that.
ninquetari Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014
Happy (belated) B-day!
I hope you had great time, and may your wishes for the coming year come true. :tighthug:
Gwenniel Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much! :glomp: :heart:
MelodiaMystic Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday! 
Gwenniel Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
 :) Thank you.
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:glomp: :tighthug: Happy Birthday Gwen! I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day.
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